On a normal day, living with Lupus, being social and putting yourself out there can be a challenge. You never know when you might have to cancel plans and disappoint someone close to you because you don't feel well enough to do things. We are also much more vulnerable to germs, illnesses, and diseases because our immune system is weak and faulty. So we go out into the world already compromised. If we do make a date, event, or gathering, we are often on "red alert" making sure we don't hug or kiss a family member who mentioned that they are just getting over a cold, that we don't taste another's food or drink, and we do wash hands a lot.
Now that our whole world is battling this new Corona Virus, almost everyone is taking measures to keep the infection rate low enough to allow our medical professionals time to treat those who need it without swamping the health systems, to make sure that there are enough available respirators for those patient's who need them. If we don't have enough respirators, and there are too many patients who are sick enough to need them, then the health workers have to make very difficult decisions. They must triage patients based on both need and on whether the patient has a good chance of survival. So those patients who have chronic disease, heart disease, cancer survivors, asthma, Lupus, etc. are most likely not going to get a respirator. For those of us with Lupus and other autoimmune disease, not only are we at a higher risk for contracting the Covid-19 in the first place, we are also guaranteed that if we to contract it our immune system will go haywire and start helping the virus to try to kill us. Once we are sick enough to need a respirator, we will not be likely to have good outcome and that respirator will most likely be given to someone with a better chance of surviving. So we need to be extra careful.
With this in mind, I have been trying to protect myself. I go to the grocery store, masked and gloved, and these outings encompass most of my interactions with other humans. I have been working from home for the last month and will continue to do so for another month at least. My employer has been wonderful allowing this to happen for me and I am very thankful. I know it can't be easy for my team to have me missing from the ranks, but they have been supportive as well. I miss them.
In fact I miss everyone. Social Distancing, the closing of restaurants, the cancelling of events, and the need to stay at home, has separated me from almost everyone. When I do see someone it's from a distance, looking longingly and waving to a friend or loved one. I have my dear husband and my kitties, but I do feel even more cut off from humanity than I usually do. Lupus had kept me from participating in certain aspects of life and social activity and this situation has pretty much put a stop to everything.
Before all of this I was working on trying to be more social, finding ways to see friends, attend art workshops. I had 4 weekends booked with things that interested me. That all got canceled and I have felt cut off ever since.
It's all so uncertain, what this will mean for people like me in the future is unknown. Will we be able to hug friends again? How long will this viral risk be out there? Even if this levels off and respirators are more available, there is still the risk of being infected, getting really sick and my immune system trying to kill me. Will I be able to get my medication when I need it? Perhaps if there is a vaccine, that will help, but how long with that take? How long with my life be at risk?
I know this is temporary, and I am safe and have what I need. I do get sad sometimes, feel isolated and overwhelmed. I do get stressed out about the situation, and that doesn't help with my symptoms. So I've been trying to make events at home. We arranged an event on Facebook with some family and friends to have a "virtual" cocktail party, where we all got dressed up, with a cocktail or a glass of wine and posted photos of our shenanigans, that was a lot of fun and with everyone posting at the same time, it felt like connecting. Then my sisters and I had a Zoom meeting to just chat. That warmed my heart. I have also been trying to get up, shower, get dressed and do something every day that makes me feel good. Today was a Spa Day, I did a face mask, did my hair and then made a pot of tea and sat down to watch Pride and Prejudice. Yesterday I made sourdough biscuits and the day before that I painted portraits of my cats. This keeps me feeling less trapped and cut off and more thankful for the time I have to spend on things that I like. I'm getting excited about planting my garden this season, I'm in the planning stages, getting things ready. I am looking forward to the future, seeing my people in person, hugging my people, doing fun things with others or even just sitting and having a cup of coffee with a friend at the local coffee house. I will see you then, save a hug for me.
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